I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
