Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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