After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
