I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
