my sisters under your porch take her home
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize