i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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