At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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