what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
