I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
