i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
