I'm really into asian looking animals
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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