I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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