Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
