Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize