That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
