I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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