I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize