Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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