Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
