ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
