I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize