i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
