Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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