Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize