He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
