trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
