I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
