And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
