so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
