yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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