The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
