BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize