So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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