3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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