Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
