ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
