if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
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