some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
And then my night got REAL pukey
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
