I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
