i just wanna soil my oats bro
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Another day, another engagement, another cat
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
