I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
