Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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