hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Is Oprah even human
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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