theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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