My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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