What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
