You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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