Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
