are you so shy because you have an std?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
