it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
