its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
