Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
