If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
