We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
