Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize
