Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
