she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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