So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize