We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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