OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
