I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
