were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
