It's Friday. Sex?
My cat gives me a boner
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
