I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
